‘Ah ah ah ah, staying alive’

TW: self harm, suicide, substance misuse.

Ok so by now I’m sure you may have guessed I am a sucker for dry humour and ‘making light’ at myself / how I’m feeling (I’m hoping you’ve realised or you have not been paying attention / I’m terrible at humour)..

Either way, that is just how I cope sometimes.

Ah, coping. My favourite and least favourite word.

‘And how are you coping with that?’

*cue rabbit in headlights*

‘May you repeat the question please I do not compute?’

I believe the answer may be possibly kinda probably am not but lemme get back to you.

Coping mechanisms are most usually split into good and bad. Right and wrong. Toxic and healthy.

Drinking, smoking, drugs, sex, shopping, isolation, self-harm, projection, physical out bursts, binge eating or not eating at all.

Running, essential oils, reading, writing, exerciseee, talking, meditation, y o g a, the big T, TV, socialising, doing yo hobby stuff.

We could list them all but the purpose of this post isn’t to advise or tell you of all the ‘right’ ones you should be doing. Or comparing any.

‘You knowww, you could totally just pop out for a run! I love running and feel great!!!’

I would get told as I’m laying in bed, unshowered, un fed and self harming over however many days. Do you think if I felt like I could run Susan I wouldn’t be doing that right now?

It is currently taking all of my energy not to inflict serious harm to myself and im supposed to…run? Stupid statement.

I am laying here trying to survive the next minute..hour..day..then imma move and do some shit. (Not present day).

Surviving. That is exactly what a coping mechanism is helping us to do, survive.

Today I had some pretty triggering stuff happen and I felt incredibly sad and isolated. Without really thinking or actually planning..I found myself in my gym stuff on a 5 mile run, taking selfies at Tower bridge (fav place).

Then I began to process. 1. I actually thought for about ten minutes at how much I hated wagon wheels then 2. How I was going to ‘cope’ with today. Then I thought to all the times when instead of running I drank, slept, shouted, some drugs.. self harmed and then I processed.

Most if not all of the times I used the latter, I would be guilt ridden and full of shame afterwards..for days. Guess what happened after that? I would feel like shit again. We feel dirty or irresponsible or stupid but to be completely open, if I hadn’t of coped in those ways, there is no doubt in my mind I wouldnt be here writing this today.

Whilst we know of how the ‘better’ coping mechanisms will work and make us feel..sometimes you just might not be physically able to do them…and that’s ok. There are times I still drink too much or self-isolate for days at a time but I don’t force myself to feel angry and disgusted at myself for doing it.

I can now manage much better, but society and ESPECIALLY social media can suck you into this wormhole of ‘baths and run fix everything cant believe your not even showering your such a failure’ – you are not a failure for literally trying to survive.

I am of course, feeling fab after my run, I enjoyed the lights anddd got to watch tower bridge open! (Proper had to fight tourists to get to front though). I also know that next week something else might happen and I’ll go to bed with a bottle of red wine for comfort.

You’re not expected to have mastered the art of healthy mechanisms when you have been staying alive, but oh my word do you deserve So. Much. More. than just staying alive. You deserve to….THRIVVEEE baby. (Post shortly on victim, survivor to thrivor).

The ‘bad mechanisms’ stop us from causing serious harm to ourselves or potentially others or just give us 3 seconds of peace from our pain. These lil ‘good’ mechanisms are ultimately going to work with us to bump you to the stage of recovery…this takes time and you have to be patient and kind to yourself, even more so when you’ve used a ‘bad’ coping strategies.

– Let yourself be open to the idea of being worthy of a better life for you ❤

– Guilt and shame are inevitably part of how our mental health difficulties may effect us, but there is NO shame in survival

– Coping takes different forms and wr are all unique in both our trauma and our recovery, explore what reallyyy works for you, not what you think you have to do (I personally hate yoga, pls stop making me try)

– What are some of your own coping mechanisms? Feel free to share below or with me personally 😊

Fav ❤

Me x posin x

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